They say a great way to get along with people is to adapt to them. Dale Carnegie. Norman Vincent Peale. Behaviorists around the world.
They advise you to mimic people’s styles. Take their posture and repeat their phrases back to them. Nod in agreement while listening intently and copy their gestures. That’s how to can ingratiate yourself and earn a respectful connection with people anywhere.
It’s fundamentally harmonizing. It’s not about conforming to fit in or giving up your voice that needs hearing. It’s about finding the right pace, tone and points that work well with those around you.
The music analogy of harmonizing is perfect. Allow me to illustrate with a great guitar lesson from Tim Pierce called, “Blues Soloing Over Chord Changes.”
The lesson shows this: You’re part of song and a performing unit, a band. As a soloist, you need to contribute, to create and to lead. You do this in the context of the chord progression and rhythm.
The life lessons are revealed: The soloist shouldn’t dominate the song or show off his chops. The soloist shouldn’t run wildly into some other musical stratosphere, inconsiderate of the timing and sounds of the band mates. Rather, the soloist is best who contributes to the whole sound as part of the song.
To do this, the soloist makes a conscious effort to think of the others, of the pending chord changes and rhythm. The soloist hits those “root” notes right on time and builds a melodic order that fits. The soloist will even copy the chords with artful arpeggios that ring true and spontaneous. The soloist, after establishing a certain harmony and “paying his dues,” can then appropriately jam above and beyond the song structure.
Hence, the lessons for building harmonious relationships:
- Hear the voice, recognize the style and feel the pace of those around you
- Play off others and at times repeat or embellish their points
- Inject your insights, perspectives and challenges within the context of your interaction
- Make everyone sound better while maintaining your own voice
Here’s a shortened version of Tim’s great lesson, and a link to the full lesson, for you guitar lovers.
Shortened: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-btR2cUhqE
Full: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lscHsm8yQRw&spfreload=10
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